Shows, Talent


An alarming number of pensioners enter talent shows, possibly in the vague hope of receiving sincere if late recognition of a particular skill or ability. However, since most of them play the spoons, do impressions of radio personalities who died several decades ago or make a lemon drizzle cake while juggling rooks, the potential audience is usually somewhat limited, and to date, no TV talent show has ever been won by a person over the age of 14.

Local talent shows at pubs, churches and village halls offer a better prospect of success, though the prizes are likely to be of very low value and usually knitted by one of the organising committee.

If you feel tempted to enter a talent show, practise your routine in front of a mirror till your senses return, but if this has no effect, ask your partner to seal you in a large crate and ship you to Greenland.