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According to the Licensed Victuallers Association, older people are drinking more wine than ever before, with the average pensioner consuming one 750 ml bottle every 9.3 days. (This figure may be somewhat skewed by the fact that the average pensioner living in Nantwich consumes one 750 ml bottle every 28.6 minutes).
The majority of pensioners have wine with meals, including 11% who have it with breakfast, and almost all drink wine at social occasions such as wedding receptions, jumble sales and cataract operations.
Some pensioners make their own wine, often using natural ingredients such as nettles, silver fish and amphetamines, and a small number have removed the south-facing roof of their home in order to convert the attic into a vineyard.
According to Maltworm Linalool, the UK Sommelier of the Year for 2013, the most popular wines among the over-65s are:
Lambusco. An Italian sparkling wine made from sheep, with a hint of charabanc.
Peesporter. A German wine made from the urine of railway workers.
Zinfandel Topsoil. An earthy New Zealand wine with a nose of hobbit.
Sautern. A French wine made from sea birds with a bouquet of embroidery.