Resolutions, New Year


According to a recent survey by the Open University, almost two-thirds of pensioners still make at least one resolution every year, with the five most common being

Lose weight

Get rid of moles (on skin, under lawn, in MI6)

Learn to play the oud

Put Kawasaki engine in mobility scooter

Find out what an oud is

On average, 88% of resolutions are broken, usually within the first four days of January, but those concerned with Halloween, Bonfire Night or Hanukkah may be observed for considerably longer.