House, Moving


Moving house is widely recognised as the third most stressful event in life – after supporting Torquay United and opening tins of sweetcorn – and no pensioner should consider it unless absolutely necessary.

If such a situation does arise, you can alleviate much of the stress by hiring a professional house moving firm, who will not only pack all of your possessions but also arrange for squatters to move in as soon as you leave.

If any of your children mention the concept of downsizing, you should immediately exclude them from your will and let them know by letter that you are bequeathing the family home to a charity, long-lost friend or community of mendicant friars from Liberia.