Having grandchildren can be a source of great joy for pensioners and also enables them to take part in activities for which they would usually be considered too old, such as go-karting, having a Facebook page and vandalism.

The traditional role of the grandparent is to be indulgent, so grandchildren in your charge should always be allowed to do what they want, especially if it annoys the neighbours, requires a chainsaw and doesn’t involve you making loom bands.

Today, grandchildren are likely to have names such as Toronto, Pimento and Lambrusco, none of which you’re obliged to use, except when pleading with them to show you how to use your smart phone or computer.

When they reach the age of eight or nine, grandchildren should be taught the value of physical fitness, generosity and helping others, all of which can be encompassed by the instruction,

“Oi, Toronto, run down to the shops and buy me some fags with your pocket money.”