Since we’re encouraged to be ambitious and always have goals in our lives, there is obviously much to be said for becoming the oldest person to have an ASBO imposed upon them.  The current record is held by an 88-year-old man from Liverpool – though honourable mention must also go to the 79-year-old woman from South Wales, who was said to have growled like a dog during a boundary dispute with her neighbours.

For those who’ve just become pensioners, it’s advisable to start with low-level anti-social behaviour such as graffiti and gnome-smashing, gradually working your way through shoplifting small items and fare dodging, until at 70-plus, you feel comfortable with threatening behaviour, indecent exposure (especially newsworthy for the older woman) and arson.

It is pointless trying to seek informed advice from juveniles with ASBOs, as they never know why they’ve got them in the first place.