Passes, Bus


Bus passes are one of the few perks pensioners enjoy and should always be acquired as soon as you reach the relevant age, even if you haven’t boarded a bus since they did away with conductors.

The correct way to use a bus pass is as follows:

On boarding the bus, take as long as possible to retrieve the pass from one of your inside pockets.

On finding the pass, present it to the driver with the words “I’d lose my own head if it wasn’t attached to my shoulders.”

On taking your seat, repeat the phrase “You paid how much?” in a loud and incredulous voice throughout the remainder of the journey.