Dancing, Pole


As recently demonstrated by a care home in Dorset, pole dancing is an extremely popular form of entertainment among pensioners (although, according to the Daily Mail, the number of Poles available for this morally repugnant activity will be drastically reduced when the UK finally leaves the European Union).

Pole dancing has also become an increasingly common form of exercise for the over-65s, with more than 173,000 taking part in organised classes and at least another 35,000 regularly performing at private venues to augment their income.

As well as measurable benefits in terms of respiratory function and cardio-vascular efficiency, pole dancing also helps pensioners to qualify as volunteer firefighters, attend to floodlight failures at local sporting fixtures and accomplish realistic impressions of a wind sock in most weather conditions.

Pole dancing is also set to become a competitive event at the inaugural Wrinklympic Games in 2024.