For some pensioners, vitamins can be a simple way to ensure their diet contains minerals conducive to good health, and it is therefore helpful to have a basic understanding of the most widely used.

Vitamin A. Good for the hard of hearing.

Vitamin AA. Good for pensioners who drink a lot or drive a car.

Vitamin B. Made from honey.

Vitamin B4. Vitamin to be taken prior to any others.

Vitamin B9. Vitamin with no harmful side effects.

Vitamin C. Made from salt water. Improves eyesight.

Vitamin D. Only to be taken by people living in Chester.

Vitamin E. Excellent for pensioners who regularly attend all-night raves.

Vitamin E6. London post code, not a vitamin.

Vitamin G8. Wide range of harmful side effects, including delusions of grandeur, constant posing for stilted group photographs and complete ignorance of real life.

Vitamin K9. Made from dogs. Very good if you want to retrieve sticks.

Vitamin P45. Marginally helpful if you’ve been sacked.