Visions are an excellent way for pensioners to meet local journalists, become revered and make a reasonable living from organised trips.

To be convincing, visions should be of people who are relatively well known, such as the Virgin Mary, Florence Nightingale or Buddy Holly, and should take place in otherwise unremarkable settings such as small coppices, railway stations or independent wool shops.

Physical manifestations always add credibility, so you should aim for bleeding from the palms of the hand, rashes in the shape of the visionee, or additional toes, fingers or ears as a good starting point.

Careful thought should be given to any message received and the more ambiguous you can make it, the more convincing it will be. Concrete artefacts such as drawings, sheet music, shopping lists and concrete are open to misinterpretation and should be avoided in most circumstances.

Although popular in Mexico, tortillas displaying the face of Christ have yet to gain widespread acceptance in the UK.