Sushi is a Japanese food substitute, usually consisting of very small rice cakes accompanied by very small pieces of raw fish and very small pieces of unidentified vegetables or a microdot of pickled ginger.

In recent years, it has become very popular in up-market care homes, where it is normally served on a Wednesday to counterbalance Tuesday’s vegan menu and Thursday’s third world roadkill cuisine.

Pensioners living in local authority care homes are less likely to have sushi included in their diet, while over-65s still at liberty generally reject it in favour of sashimi.

Larger towns and cities are likely to have dedicated sushi bars, where the dishes are served on a modified Scalectrix track or eaten from the naked body of a female illegal immigrant.

Eating sushi while sat in a large car playing the bass guitar is known as Sushi Quatro.

Sushi is also the fourth most popular name for Siamese cats in the UK.