Every pensioner should have at least eight pairs of slippers – one for general relaxation, one for holidays, one for occasional visits to the wheelie bin and one for ash treading when dropping cigarette ends onto tiled floors. All of these should be duplicated for use with and without thick winter socks.

Slippers also encourage shuffling, which is good for the calf muscles, and toe wriggling, which isn’t good for anything in particular, but does make you feel cosy in front of an open fire.

Pensioners should never wear novelty slippers such as those with floppy ears or stuffed fabric replicas of well-known aircraft carriers.