Sickness, Sea


Sea sickness is an unpleasant condition usually brought on by the pitching and yawing of ocean-going vessels in rough seas, but can also afflict pensioners when they turn sharply in an overfilled bath.

It can be prevented in a number of ways, including wristbands, scopolamine patches worn behind the ear and suppositories, while folk remedies include eating raw ginger, wrapping your head in potato peel and sacrificing a cabin boy under the age of ten.

Sea sickness is rarely fatal, though repeated bouts can cause some damage to the lining of the oesophagus and may, in rare cases, lead to the sufferer being adopted by grey seals.

If you succumb to sea sickness, never upchuck on an open deck to vomit, as strong offshore winds can easily cause a violent backdraft and cover everyone within 200 yards (183 metres) in diced carrots and tomato skin.

If possible, you should always barf into a rucksack or handbag – preferably with the prior permission of the owner.