While sales used to be a once, or at best, twice a year event, in today’s retail environment they are virtually a permanent fixture on the High Street.

This has taken away much of the previous allure, though there are still thousands of people willing to sit on a folding chair throughout a rain-sodden night in order to have the chance to be trampled to death by a stampede of oriental handbag collectors.

Sales aimed specifically at pensioners are few and far between and discounts of more than 5% on items such as incontinence pants, hairnets, heavy assault rifles and cigars are extremely rare.

Pensioners are now advised to stay indoors while the most popular sales are taking place – wise counsel last ignored by Dorothy Fieldman of Tooting, who was suffocated to death in an elevator between the first and second floors of Debenhams in Oxford Street despite wearing a Victorian diving suit for her own protection.