Since water is essential to all life on earth, rain is obviously of fundamental importance to our continued existence.  Unfortunately, the incidence of rain is dictated by a complex interaction of random factors and so rarely falls at the time or in the areas where it would be of most benefit.

To tackle this problem, the G8 group of nations has proposed the construction of a world-wide web of guttering and downpipes which would gather 80% of global rainfall and distribute it over the world’s five major deserts and Hastings.

Despite some local opposition, Hastings Borough Council has granted planning permission for the erection of a 48 mile high water butt on the site of the Ebenezer Particular Baptist Church and construction is scheduled to begin in 2023.  Until this work is completed, the council has arranged for all of the available open space to be covered in plastic buckets and has already recruited 3,500 volunteers to empty them into the sea when so required.

In recognition of its pivotal role in this project, the town has been given special dispensation to appoint its own king, and the first raining monarch will be Paul Merton, who was born in the town in 1957.