Pottering is an activity which every pensioner should indulge in at least twice a week.

Pottering in the garden is a well-established practice, and apart from the occasional heart attack caused by frogs jumping out of foliage, it’s bound to engender a feeling of well-being and contentment. Tea or coffee should be taken at regular intervals (a special chipped mug should be set aside for the purpose), with a mid-day bottle of beer more suitable in summer.

Pottering can also be rewardingly extended to other areas of the home, such as the attic, garage, spare room or kitchen, and further afield, in places as diverse as forest glades, beach huts, riverbanks and railway stations. Pottering in these latter venues may occasionally incur the displeasure of passers-by and petty officials, in which case, the approved response is to mutter distractedly about head lice and show the complainant the contents of your pockets.

By convention, pottering is prohibited during the hours of darkness, when it is known as sleepwalking or being drunk and disorderly.