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As the name implies, plankton is a microscopic organism that’s made from wood and represents the most basic level in the food chain for aquatic mammals such as whales, dolphins and cross-channel swimmers.
In an average day, an adult pilot whale can consume 1.5 tons of plankton, enough to make an Ikea tallboy and four bedside cabinets.
Individual plankton can be extremely long-lived and may grow to the size of an orange pip in the course of 60 to 70 years, while the truculentum sub-species of the Chukchi Sea has a reputation for extreme aggression and has been known to surround Inuit kayaks and bludgeon the occupants to death.
In general, plankton make very poor pets, even for pensioners who find Emmerdale absorbing.