Nights, Quiz


Many social clubs, pubs and other organisations hold regular quiz nights and these can be a good way for pensioners to keep mentally alert, enjoy social interaction and devise new ways of cheating.

If entering as part of a team, always make sure that your team-mates each have a specialist subject – principally to ensure the optimum breadth of esoteric knowledge, but also to apportion blame when your specialist in geography can’t remember the capital of France. Analysis of quizzes over the past five years indicates that the most useful specialist subjects are art, Shakespeare, the music of Justin Bieber and fish, and on rare occasions, a question such as “In which Shakespeare play does a halibut paint a picture of an androgynous twerp?” will involve all four.

Before beginning any quiz, you should insist on all the other competitors being searched for smart-phones, tablet pcs and suspicious prosthetics, and anyone carrying a duffle bag containing a very knowledgeable dwarf should immediately be expelled and banned for life.

If the quiz takes a written form, make sure your answers are written as illegibly as possible and produce a signed certificate acknowledging your dyslexia if challenged on any answer.