Mustard is a completely unnecessary condiment specifically formulated to obliterate the taste of everything it accompanies.

It is also used as a constituent of a lethal gas and as part of a plaster applied to boils and weeping sores.

In its powdered form, English mustard is used as snuff, while French mustard can be diluted with methylated spirits and used to control the spread of foot and mouth disease.

The Great Mustard is a flightless herb, recently reintroduced to Salisbury Plain for use in constructing organic tank traps.