Although most pensioners are predisposed towards honesty, there may be occasions when being sensitive to the feeling of others necessitates a certain manipulation of the truth.

For instance, lying is always the best response when asked to guess someone’s age or weight, comment on their home-made chutney or explain why their cat is nailed to your garage.  Lying is also recommended when talking to GPs, garden designers, music journalists and Norwegians, particular if the conversation involves enemas, anemones, the NME or very large Christmas trees.

Contrary to popular belief, lying does not cause the nose to grow, as is evidenced by the giant ant-eater and Barry Manilow, both of whom are acknowledged to be among the most truthful of their respective species.