By the time you become a pensioner, you’ll probably have a bunch of keys bigger than that of the head gaoler at Newgate, and you may well need a purpose-built trolley to transport them from one lock to another.

At least 50% of your keys will have no useful purpose, since they’ll be for the house you moved out of 15 years ago, the three cars you had before the one you’ve got now, the six suitcases you intentionally left in the attic of the aforementioned house and several small ones that look as though they’re for padlocks which you don’t possess.

Of the remainder, some 40% will be duplicates and another 25% will belong to a neighbour or friend whom you no longer know but whose house, bicycle, shed or motor scooter you promised to look after while they were on holiday.

Attaching all of your keys to your belt may cause you to limp and can also lead to long-term problems with hip joints, while hiding them under your hat for safe keeping is likely to cause severe depression of the neurocranium, with consequent effects on your ability to undertake mental arithmetic and remember where you put your keys.

Despite all that, keys are a powerful symbol of security and stability in your life and should only be discarded if your hot air balloon is in danger of crashing into the crater of active volcano due to their enormous weight.