With energy companies now routinely increasing their charges by obscenely large amounts, hypothermia is becoming an occupational hazard for most pensioners. It’s an insidious condition, which can creep up on you without you realising, but with a little foresight and pre-planning, there’s no reason why you have to end up blue and dead.
Since hypothermia strikes almost exclusively during the winter, one of the first things to do is cross through all the relevant months on the calendar and replace them with the months April to September. This may not have much practical effect, but it will make you feel better when it’s snowing in the middle of July.
Wearing at least 14 layers of clothes is also a great help, though you may not be able to get through your door to leave the house, and if you’re thinning on top, wearing several wigs will not only reduce heat loss but also make you extremely attractive to women in their nineties.
It’s important to have at least one hot meal a day, so always cook your salads for at least 40 minutes at gas mark 7, while regular hot drinks fortified with whisky, rum or gin will soon make you oblivious to the cold.
Perhaps the best advice is to avoid sitting in the fridge for lengthy periods of time.