As the name suggests, homeopathy covers a range of medical treatments which utilise items commonly found in the home to alleviate or even cure a wide variety of ailments and conditions.

These include

Stapling cork coasters to warts

Bathing in broccoli puree to alleviate bronchial irritation

Hanging paperweights from your eyelids to counter insomnia

Ironing shingles

Attaching teapots to your elbows to improve fertility

Eating a sideboard to cure leprosy

Filling your socks with baking beans to treat loose smut

Wearing a hat of stopcocks to prevent swayback, hookworm and dandy fever

Tiling your upper body to ensure immortality.

Enthusiastic advocates of homeopathy include Gwyneth Paltrow, Tony Blair and Prince Charles, who cured his wife by standing her in a crate of sea salt for six months.