Perhaps surprisingly, divorce rates among pensioners have increased in recent years and apart from a small minority of amicable separations, the experience is undoubtedly extremely stressful and painful for at least half of those involved.

Irretrievable breakdown is the most commonly cited reason for divorce, though other causes include repeated failure to make decent custard, selling the marital home without informing your spouse, making a shopping list when only buying shoelaces, becoming a curmudgeon without prior warning and setting fire to your partner’s slippers while they listen to The Archers.

Whatever the circumstances, the golden rule is never to consult a solicitor, and if property has to be sold, never instruct an estate agent. Tossing a coin, cutting cards or drawing lots (as long as neither spouse is a professional artist) are all better ways to ensure the equitable division of assets, but if none of these can be agreed upon, then duelling is by far the best option, as long as at least one party doesn’t survive.