Day, Thanksgiving


Thanksgiving Day is a traditional American festivity, held the fourth Thursday of November, to celebrate the noble founding principles of the country’s constitution. The most abiding of these are the inalienable right to

Shoot lots of schoolchildren whenever you feel so inclined

Nail black people to a roof while wearing a funny hat

Pay through the nose to have your sinuses unblocked

Vote for crooks, charlatans, simpletons and egomaniacs

Eat everything, including soup, with a fork

Include every major city’s name in at least seven different songs

Only play terminally tedious sports in which the statistics are more interesting than the game itself

Make films featuring Ben Stiller