C
Care in the community (or ‘Left to Fend for Yourself in a Poky Flat’ as it’s more usually known) is an imaginative government initiative whereby people suffering from mental illness are able to live their own life, retain their independence and enjoy complete freedom of choice as long as they do everything they’re told.
It has been so successful that hundreds of institutions and residential care centres have been closed and converted into stylish apartments with wet rooms, Belfast sinks and voice-activated lighting systems.
The programme is now the responsibility of Ian Drunken-Smith, whose own experience of an asylum for the criminally indifferent has formed the bedrock of this new enlightened approach to people who wouldn’t have lost their marbles in the first place if they’d pulled their socks up and looked after them properly.