Although most of today’s pensioners grew up in an era of Newcastle Brown, Red Barrel and Blue Nun, a surprisingly large proportion of over-65s now happily admit that their tipple of choice is a cocktail.

In fact, according to the latest survey by 2Pot-Screamer.glug, pensioners account for almost half of all cocktail sales in the UK and since the millennium, more than 80 new aperitifs have been developed specifically for the older palate.

In 2019, the most popular were

Heartburn Express.  One measure of fustian nobbler with a shot of Steradent, a thin slice of parsnip and the rim of the glass coated in crushed Rennies.

Zimmer Fizz.  One large measure of toekiller with a soupcon of dog’s nose, poured into an almond macaroon and topped with scurf.

Vermin Riddle.  Equal measures of Kummel and Baby-Bio, with garlic croutons, diced dandyfunk, oaty gore and a garnish of builders’ staffage.